does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
