I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
