dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i need some magic done to my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
