my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
