Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
