It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Every concussion has its silver lining
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
