There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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