HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
