he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
