I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
