If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
