Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
