I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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