I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
