6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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