also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
