this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
