Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early