my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.