So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication