all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
