you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
