so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.