I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst