She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
