4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
