I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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