we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
did i walk over a car last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
