Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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