I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
