I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
