once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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