I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
