i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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