its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I believe in your delicious
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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