Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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