I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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