I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
