Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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