Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
