I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
