my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
