So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
