I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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