i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
