sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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