i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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