I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
