please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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