I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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