A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
