Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my liver is dry heaving
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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