You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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