And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
