Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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