hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I smell like Dick and happiness
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
