Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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