she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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