Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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