you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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