Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i believe in u and ur pee
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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