he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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