do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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