When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
