Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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