I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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