Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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