i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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