I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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