FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
