Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
