Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
