One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
