Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
