Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
