Four minutes until I can fart!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
