JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
