so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
