Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
