Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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