If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
